Biden drops out...endorses Biden!

Before the Babylon Bee, there was Scrappleface. Scott Ott has brought Scrappleface back just in time to help us understand what is happening in the world.

(2020-03-02) — Following disappointing performances in early primaries and caucuses, former Vice President Joe Biden today suspended his campaign for the Democratic nomination for President of the United States, and announced he’ll throw his support behind the winner of the South Carolina primary, the former Delaware Senator, Joe Biden.

“A man’s gotta know when he’s whipped,” Biden told a tearful crowd of supporters. “It’s time for me to skedaddle, and make way for that Biden fella — God love him. He’s got the Joe-mentum now, and I’m yesterday’s newspaper, stained filthy with bird droppings and cat urine.”

The three-time presidential contender said he was moved by the selflessness of Amy Klobuchar and Pete Buttigieg, who each dropped out the race this week and plan to endorse Biden.

“If they can put aside their own ambitions for the good of the country,” Biden said, “so can Old Joe.”

After nearly a year as the presumptive frontrunner, the Biden campaign fell off an electoral cliff in Iowa, New Hampshire and Nevada, supplanted first by the youthful energy of Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders, and then by the late-blooming Biden campaign.

Thanks to a tailwind from the Biden endorsement, Joe Biden says he thinks “Democrats will finally come together around the one candidate who can beat President Eisenhower.”

More here.