What comes first?

A commenter at Chateau Heartiste writes,

I saw a guy on the subway yesterday tenderly put his arm around his girlfriend while she was babbling cocksurely about something indubitably important. Today, saw a couple walking and the young man kissed the top of her head. In neither case did the girl’s body language show any reciprocation or gratitude.

What’s significant is that both men struck me as alpha at first glance.

The girl wants to feel your power and charm first, affection distant third.

Chateau Heartiste adds,

Power and charm first, affection third. That’s a pithy aphorism describing the contours of female attraction for the competing character traits of sexy men. Establish your dominance (which can be done by showing you won’t cave like a supplicating beta to her feminine wiles), engage her with your charm (an attitudinal cue that you live with an abundance of women mentality), bestow her with your affection (but only after she’s bestowed you with her sex and love).

The problem with the more romantically earnest sort of beta males is that they start with the affection, and then clumsily try to segue to the power and charm when they see that their affection is driving the girl away. It never ends well.

Read more here.

On dominance and submission

The latest from Chateau Heartiste:

As with girls and their love of male dominance, a woman’s submission is won not with a club to the head but gradually intensifying demands and shows of defiance that weaken the female presumption of her romantic entitlement and undermine her reflex to pigeonhole you as one of the mediocre masses of beta males whom she can walk over.

Do men value strength and independence in women?

I have been reading a lot of manosphere posts recently. Vox has a post at Alpha Game in which he writes:

Many women struggle with the concept of submission. They assume that men think like they do, that men respect and are drawn to shows of strength and independence and look down on displays of weakness, fragility, and dependence. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Because women don't think like men, they don't understand that being challenging is intrinsically unattractive to men. It provokes the man's fight (or flight) response rather than his protective response, but since in most cases the man actually doesn't want to fight, it leaves him feeling frustrated and conflicted. Being submissive, on the other hand, provokes a protective response, and the subsequent affection.

So, if you are a woman, consider what sort of response you wish to provoke in a man. Do you wish him to feel more affectionate to you or less? Because that is exactly the choice you are making when you decide to behave in a submissive manner or not, regardless of your intent.

Does a woman have to be submissive before a man will feel affection for her? I don't think so.

Read more here.