"If you're outside enjoying yourself or contributing to the economy, I'll get you, my pretty! And your seeds too!"

From the satirical Babylon Bee:

U.S.—Governors across the country have reinstated lockdowns mere weeks after slowly starting to lift them, citing a "concerning spike" in jobs and the economy.

Worried that the increase in jobs, prosperity, and happiness would hurt them in November, they reacted to the economic upturn quickly, shutting down businesses and locking people back in their homes.

"We can't let this economic spike continue," said California Governor Gavin Newsom. "That would go against SCIENCE. The SCIENTISTS say that locking down an entire population is the best way to prevent dangerous economic spikes."

"Also, we wanted to mention that this message was brought to you by PlumpJack Estate Winery. Use code NEWSOM for 10% off your next tasting!"

The governors noticed that people were happier with their lives, glad they could go back to work and reopen their businesses, and having fun outside. Unable to tolerate this kind of freedom and general satisfaction with life in the age of Trump, they scrambled to lock back down.

"We're seeing a concerning rise in the number of people disregarding the government and going on with their lives," said Governor Gretchen Whitmer. "If you're outside enjoying yourself or contributing to the economy, I'll get you, my pretty! And your seeds too!"

"Thank you, but we are not going to make that mistake again!"

Heather Mac Donald writes in part in Spectator USA,

When the campaign for re-lockdown begins, political leaders and the public should respond: thank you, but we are not going to make that mistake again. The unintended (to give you the benefit of the doubt) consequences of lockdowns have dwarfed in their malignity anything that the coronavirus could have inflicted, whether measured by lost and stunted lives or by the crushing of hope and enterprise. The coming depression will reduce global life expectancy more than the coronavirus ever could have. The infirm elderly — our parents — deserve our love and respect. We will focus on protecting them, but we will not shut down the economy to do so, because without economic life there is no public health. There will be more deaths from the coronavirus, as from other things. We will carry on, having relearned the necessity of balancing the benefits of any course of action against its costs. And we will remove from our daily repartee the injunction to ‘stay safe’ as an insult to human striving.

Read more here.