Yes, he is my son

My son came to me tonight and asked me if I was ready. Ready for what, I asked.
To execute the plan!
What plan?
The plan.
We secede from the family. We build rockets. We start a society to get apes to evolve into various beings.
We need The Legion. We create our own merchandise and promote it through YouTube. Once people buy our merchandise we advance through the Legions of the smartest people in the world.
You will call yourself Rick and I will call myself Morty.
We get a bunch of fake taxis, fill them with the apes.
We send the apes in the fake taxis to the moon.
To be continued.

Selfie soulmate

Are you jealous of your friends who have hot girlfriends who take good care of them? Create an imaginary girlfriend, take selfies, and post them at Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter!

The Japan Times has this story:

Keisuke Jinushi was tired of seeing social-networking snapshots of his friends with their girlfriends, at weddings or with their newborn children. He was single and felt like time was slipping away for him while everyone else was happily moving on with life. He wanted what they had, and to flaunt it on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. So, he decided to do something about it: He created an imaginary girlfriend.

The girlfriend gave him attention. She went on dates with him. She even fed him food. And to prove it, Jinushi went to unusual lengths to take selfies with her, which he posted on social-networkng services to show his friends. Everything was fake, but he succeeded in creating a whole new life for himself

Thanks to James Taranto