"since they all think the same anyway."

From the satirical Babylon Bee: WILMINGTON, DE—According to sources within the Joe Biden campaign, staffers have been instructed to pick "any black person" for vice president, "since they all think the same anyway."

He made the comment while in a strategy meeting with aides in his basement.

"Just nab any old black person -- they're all pretty much interchangeable," Biden reportedly told his aides. "That Stacey chick, the Kamala cop lady, heck, get Denzel Washington for all I care. Any of them are fine. And poor VP candidates are almost as bright as white ones."

"I had a black friend once, you know. Barry. Really great guy. Very clean and articulate."

Aides were then able to distract him by giving him a paddleball to play with while they went upstairs to try to do some damage control from whatever the latest racist or sexist thing he said was.

At publishing time, aides said they felt sorry for Biden, since he was under the mistaken impression that he gets to pick the VP candidate himself.

Biden to pick a classy broad

From the satirical Babylon Bee:

WASHINGTON, D.C.—According to sources in the Biden campaign, the presidential candidate is on pins and needles waiting to see who it is he picked to run for vice president on his ticket.

Campaign aides say it's been Biden's most anticipated event since he found out he was running for president a few weeks ago.

A reporter asked Biden if he could hint about his VP pick during a brief interlude from his stay in the basement, where he was allowed to come upstairs to get some snacks.

"Oh boy -- I hope it's a real classy broad," he said as he drank straight from the milk jug. "I bet I picked somebody good and smart. A chick with class and style. You know, in my day, dames were dames and guys were guys. None of this 'guys becoming dolls' and 'dolls becoming guys' stuff. We would go down to the hop and do the mashed potato. You know, there's lots of good nnnn-- nutrients and stuff in potatoes. Potato is a funny word."

"Po - ta - to."

"OK, Joe, let's go," said an aide, shoving him down into the basement. "What Joe was trying to say is that he's chosen a well-qualified candidate who will run the country -- err, I mean, help him run the country -- with excellence."