What's a parent to do?

Kay Hymowitz writes a review in today's WSJ of the book Nurture Shock, which looks at years of research on child development. Does high self esteem improve grades? No. Does it reduce anti-social behavior? No. Does it deter alcohol drinking, or do much of anything good for kids? No. Even telling kids they are smart can be counterproductive. "Many children who are convinced that they are little geniuses tend not to put much effort into their work. Others are troubled by the latent anxiety of adults who feel it necessary to praise them constantly."

Okay, but how about the benefits of teaching tolerance and promoting diversity? One researcher found that "more diversity translates into more divisions among students." Another warns that too much discussion of past discrimination can make minority children over-reactive to perceived future slights. Our son Jon experienced this the other day when he was asked to pass out pencils in Sunday School. A black child asked him if he did not give him a pencil because he is black. Jon had innocently spaced out (as he is want to do) giving the child a pencil.

Drop-out and anti-drug programs have also been shown not to work. What about those tests that school districts use to determine giftedness in young children? "Early IQ tests predict later achievement less than half the time. Between ages 3 and 10, about two-thirds of children will experience a rise or drop of 15 points or more." Oh, and one more recent research finding: 4-year-olds lie once an hour! Teenagers lie too, but usually because they don't want to upset their parents. Teens do like conflict, though, and see it as enhancing their relationships with their parent (doesn't that contradict the finding cited in the last sentence?)

A famous 1994 study showed that babies of professionals were exposed to almost three times the number of words as the babies of welfare parents. Apparently many parents began trying to use more words after hearing about the research. Now, though, it turns out that it's not so much the number of words kids hear that matters but the responsiveness of adults to a child's words and explorations." As Fred Thompson says daily on his radio program, "Why do they call it common sense, when it is so uncommon?"