American willpower

Here is another important news story from The Onion. Millions of Americans are overcoming media pressure to be thin. As many as 70 percent of us have been

“courageously refusing to conform” to these media ideals of physical fitness and leanness.

“Given the media’s clear preference for thin physiques, we expected most Americans would be actively seeking to emulate such body types, but we found that nearly 7 in 10 American adults possess the inner courage and determination to overcome the constant pressure to maintain a trim figure,” said behavioral psychologist and the report’s co-author Olivia Trumbull, noting that these Americans boldly ignored, on average, 10 to 14 images of in-shape individuals every minute of the day. “This level of resolve is astonishing, considering that the media is saturated with models, actors, athletes, and pop stars who are no bigger than a women’s size 4 or a men’s large. However, if you look around any American town or city, you’ll find incredibly brave women who are size 18, size 20, even size 24, as well as brave men who routinely wear XXXL clothing. That’s a testament to American willpower.”

Indeed, the report found that, rather than give in to the constant emphasis on a lean, shapely physique, the brave segment of the U.S. population consistently and valiantly avoided nutritious foods, reasonable portion sizes, and any exercise whatsoever.