From the Babylon Bee:
U.S.—The Biden campaign is facing a real communication problem as Joe Biden's speeches are growing more and more nonsensical. In order to overcome this challenge, aides have hired an interpreter to translate everything he says into normal, human-style English.
"My fellow Americans, pickle hamster meatloaf. The thing. Potato!" Biden began.
"My fellow Americans, thank you for being here this evening," the interpreter translated.
Biden continued: "This pandemic has cost us more than 85,000 jobs as of today. Lives of millions of people. Millions of people. Millions of jobs." He then nodded at the translator to interpret that into something resembling plain English.
"Uh... the, uh, pandemic has cost us tens of millions of jobs, and 85,000 have tragically lost their lives," she interpreted frantically.
But she struggled to keep up as his speech got less and less coherent.
"Peanut butter M&Ms and my fellow U.S. Americans in the Iraq. Platypus!" was translated as "We must make sure Donald Trump does not continue to rob America of its future," while "Farley farley farley farley farley hufaaaaaaaar!" was translated as "I am the best choice to beat Donald Trump."
As Biden's speech concluded, he said farewell: "Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z' nourrwringmm!"
"God bless you, and God bless America."