The true story of Santa Claus

Not to be outdone by their sister, (please see previous post below) Jon and Greg (ages ten and nine) put their heads together and put on a rather elaborate play, featuring 8 scenes, with numerous costume and role changes. Without further adieu, here is The True Story of Santa Claus.

Scene One: A baby is born to Mrs.Claus (Greg). The lyrics are all about what to name the baby. Naturally, they agree on "Santa."

Scene Two: Santa Claus is five years old. It is the year 1440. Santa's mother (Greg in a dress) comes into his room and finds him smoking a pipe. When she demands to know why he is smoking a pipe, Santa (Jon) replies, "It's the style of the forties, Dude."

Scene Three: Santa Claus is now ten years old. He is eating a huge pile of junk food.
Mother (Greg) confronts Santa, "What are you becoming, Santa?
It's a failure to call you my son!" Santa, with his mouth full of candy and drinking a Sprite, mumbles this pitiful excuse, "It's good to be an only child!"

Scene Four: Santa is still ten years old. Greg is now Santa Claus. Jon is a mutant bunny rabbit. "I was sent by God to cast a spell on you, because you have been a bad boy. You are now obese! Fear not, God has decided to be merciful to you. You will be sentenced to go to the North Pole. Every year on December 25 you will deliver toys to all the children of the world. You will have a selection of Elves to help you make all the toys."

Greg (Santa) replies, "So you're going to torture me?"
Jon (messenger from God) answers, "Yes, well that is the bad news. The good news is that because I am casting a spell over you, you won't ever die."

Scene Five: Now Santa (Jon) is "an old geezer" 700 years later. Greg is Head Elf, shouting at the other elves to "get working!" He apologizes to Santa for the poor toy production. Santa is overwhelmed by a huge stack of letters from children. He becomes out-of-sorts and starts screaming at Head Elf for the lack of production from the elves.

Scene Six: Santa is burning all the letters. He failed to notice that one was from a "snotty rich kid" who threatened to kill Santa if he did not receive a powerful Tommygun for Christmas.

Scene Seven: (Major action scene of the play) Greg and Jon are elves making toys. Greg complains, "I hate this job: It is the day after Christmas, and we are already making toys for next Christmas!" Jon agrees, saying "No one gives us any credit. Santa gets all the credit. We don't even get paid!" Jon is interrupted by a large BOOM! It is the "sadistic rich kid, armed with the latest Nerf gun from Walmart. He disguises himself as an elf, and kills one of the elves, before demanding to know where he can find Santa. At first Jon refuses to tell him, but then he remembers that the elves are making all the toys, and Santa is getting all the credit, and he tells the kid he can find Santa on the 47th floor in his office.

Scene Eight: Santa Claus is going over the events of the previous day. It was not pretty. The sleigh had broken down, and Rudolph had died a tragic death when his mercury-filled Obama light bulb exploded just after take-off (Hey, I am the blogger here; I can add whatever touches I want to this script)! Greg (playing the kid with the Nerf gun, mows down Santa (Jon), saying, "So you think you can't die of old age. Well, maybe not, but I can shoot you!"

The narrator (Jon) then comes forward wearing one of my old suits. "And that is the true story of the sad ending of Santa Claus. The sadistic kid took over the North Pole, and all the elves were kept busy making toys only for him. There will be no more Christmases." Just then the sadistic kid (Greg) mows down the narrator, to give the play a happy ending.