What the feminist movement needed: someone with balls!

The Onion usually makes fun of traditional American values; thus, it usually attacks positions held dear by conservatives. Nevertheless, I never fail to pick up a copy when I am walking by a news stand in downtown Denver, because I like to laugh, and I love satire.

Yesterday I picked one up when I was downtown shooting pool and going to an NBA game with my sons.  I found this headline on the front page: Man Finally Put In Charge of Struggling Feminist Movement. The article made fun of both men and women, thus qualifying in my mind as a good piece of satire.  A fictional man named Peter "Buck" McGowan brought his "ambition, experience, and no-nonsense attitude to his new role as the nation's top feminist."

"All the feminist movement needed to do was bring on someone who had the balls to do something about this glass ceiling business," said McGowan. After following McGowan to the golf course and other scenes where he wheels and deals, the article concludes with some speculation about McGowan's future. "McGowan has vehemently denied rumors that he will leave the feminist movement to head up the struggle for gay rights." "The wife would kill me if I took on any more hours. I'm sure those fellows know how that goes."

Personally, I prefer the humor of my conservative blogging buddies, but I will still read The Onion. My favorite article in this week's The Onion was the advice column. A woman advises her male friend that he should not get serious about her, because it would ruin their "friendship," in which she asks him to do things, and he does them. Here are the last two paragraphs:

"Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us."

"Don't worry, you're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be. Best friends. Friends forever."