Wedded Bliss

Guest post
by Suzann Darnall

My husband, Pete, and I will celebrate our 42nd wedding anniversary next week. It has been quite a journey. It has most definitely been the adventure of a lifetime which I plan to have last a lifetime and beyond. Yes, I absolutely look forward to the years and eternity ahead with much anticipation.

While the terms “wedded bliss” and “happily ever after” are much over-used in romance novels and fairy tales, thus setting up all too many couples for disappointment, I do truly believe that being happily married is possible. But, I also think one first has to eliminate the unrealistic and deal with the real. While there should always be elements of fantasy and making life a bit more romantic where practical, a couple who wants to succeed should not make living and loving too hard with impossible expectations.

People usually are on their best behavior during dating and courting. It is nice, but it is hard. While we should continue to treat one another with love and respect, let’s face it, we are gonna have our bad days. So, learn that one bad day or one argument does not mean one needs to make a call to a divorce lawyer or a marriage counselor. It just means someone has had a bad day and y’all have had an argument. Sometimes we are more willing to put up with crap from friends than what we will accept from our best beloved. Get over it! Just like your BFF has a bad day, so does your spouse.

But, this does not mean one should not work at trying to make life as filled with love as possible. There are simple ways to add romance without overtaxing the budget, the schedule, or each other. Make little traditions that bring the best out in one another. Find ways to keep courtship alive that can be done even on busy days. Use the pretty dishes for dinner from time to time. Bring home a small bouquet of flowers. Leave a love note on the kitchen table or bathroom mirror. Trade kisses under the full moon each month. End the day by sharing your “happy” for the day. One thing out of the day that made you smile or made you feel good.

Sometimes people get caught up in life outside of marriage and they start neglecting the most important relationship they have. This is not a path to wedded bliss or happily ever after. This is a path to marriage counseling or divorce lawyer. So, make sure you do a proper job of caring for and feeding your marriage. A marriage can die if not properly nourished with love and tended with devotion.

Kids are important. Jobs are important. School is important. Church is important. Lots of things are important. But, is there really anything more important than the person you have vowed to love for time and all eternity??? At the same time, we need to remember that there are other things to life besides our marriage and we need to realistically make time to fulfill all commitments, as well as allow our spouse to do the same. When we prioritize properly we find that there is time for everything that matters. And, when
we let go of those things that are less important, we ofttimes find we are happier which also feeds our marriage and makes it stronger.

Pete and I are going through one of the hardest phases of our marriage right now. He was diagnosed with cancer last year and we have been dealing with it for nearly a year now. He has gone through multiple hospital stays, numerous surgeries and procedures, innumerable doctor appointments, various forms of treatment, plus a whole lot of being sick and hurt. But, through it all we have managed to keep the romance alive. We have managed to make one another feel cherished. We have made “us” a priority even while fighting the foe that is called cancer.

We still go on date nights or lunch dates when he feels well enough. The fact that our lunch dates are often at the hospital in between a doctor appointment and a chemo treatment is immaterial. What is important is that we are together and trying to make a bit of normal amidst the chaos of cancer.

We still do kisses under the full moon, even if it sometimes has to be the exquisite photograph I bought him of a supermoon. We still write little notes and cards. He still buys me flowers or jewelry when he gets out-n-about a bit. We still hold hands, even though it is most often as we are going through the halls of the hospital.

I am as in love with him today, probably even more so, than I was when we were dating more than 42 years ago. I know him better now. I have seen him change. He has seen me change. We still love one another. Not just in spite of the changes, but often because of the changes. I think we are both kinder people now than we were then. I think we are more willing to be tolerant of each other. I think we are more aware of the truly special opportunities we have been given to care for one another.

One thing that we have learned along the way is to be proud of each other. To support one another. While we joke and tease, we do not belittle one another. We not only want the other person to know they are special, we want the world to know that the other person is special.

While fairy tale happily ever after or romance novel wedded bliss might not be possible, if you create your home as a haven it can become a little bit of heaven here on earth. A place where y’all can be blissfully unaware of the outside world for a few hours a day. Enjoying life with your spouse, your family, your friends. Happiness is a choice. A choice you can make each and every day with the person you love.

And, if you do it all really well, you find that your spouse becomes not only your best beloved, but your best friend. You find that not only do you love each other, you actually like each other. Which is much more amazing than most people are ever lucky enough to realize. But, it is true. Take it from someone who knows!