I might try this

Here is an idea that might improve your home security system. Post this note on the front door:
Bubba,
Me, Jethro and  Jimmie Earl have gone out get more ammo.
The pitbulls are locked inside -- they got the mailman  good this morning. There was so much blood  around that it was impossible to tell which  of the four dogs was  involved. Stay out on the porch, and  we'll be back soon. -- Caleb.
 http://laughingconservative.blogspot.com/2012/05/southern-security-system.html