"Whose experience was worse?

Terry Anderson writes in Den of Lions that as the days, months, and years in captivity as a hostage of the Islamic Jihad passed, he still got angry from time to time, even though he had prayed so often for God to help him get his anger and frustration under control. "Each new guard has to be taught: I will not eat bread thrown on the floor, like a dog. I will not accept manhandling for no purpose. I will be treated and spoken to with a decent minimum of respect. I am a hostage, not a criminal, not an enemy. And, first of all, I am a man, not an animal."

Madeleine twice went to see psychiatrists. Wouldn't you know it: both recommended she have affairs! She could not do it, not until she knew her relationship with Terry was over, completely. She never went back to see a psychiatrist until Terry was released. More on that later.

Terry wrote often in the book about religious thoughts. He had asked for a Bible during his first months in captivity, and had been able to keep it most of the time, unless the guards were punishing him and others for some perceived rule-breaking. Terry found the writings of the Apostle Paul to be something he could identify with: Paul's love of God and his struggles with his weaknesses and pride. Paul's writings helped Terry "learn to accept, to stop struggling, and just wait for whatever God chooses to do with me."

Terry also wonders what he will do when the blindfold is taken off, and he is free again. He's not sure he wants to stay in journalism. He describes journalists as "watchers" and, less favorably, as "a swarm of banded, garish wasps." He wants to live, not just watch.

Though Terry had few choices, Madeleine had many, "and they were all difficult," writes Terry. "Whose experience was worse?"