A new maxim from Chateau Heartiste: A Woman Never Falls Out Of Love With A Selfish Jerk

Chateau Heartiste writes,

This post will have many detractors, but if they would stop and think about what they have actually observed happening when women and their beloved jerkboys break up, they will see the wisdom in CH Maxim #16: A woman never falls out of love with a selfish jerk.

This does not mean a woman never ends a relationship with a selfish jerk. It means that, even when the woman initiates the break-up (usually from desperate frustration at her failed attempts to extract a tiny concession toward domestication from her jerkboy), she will continue feeling strong love for the incorrigible jerk who makes her swoon.

A woman’s love, once ignited, is hard to extinguish. But there are ways in which women genuinely fall out of love. Being a jerk is not one of them.

Here is a list of the most common scenarios that can cause a woman’s love for a man to wither and die.

the formerly lovable jerkboy turns beta while lounging in the comfort bubble of a long-term relationship or marriage.

This is the biggest reason why women fall out of love. The charming jerkboys they once knew transformed into boring beta males suckling at their teats for emotional nourishment. Marriage/LTRs are not only fattening agents, they also acts as hardening agents on women’s hearts, and as solvents on men’s scrotums.

she found a higher status man.

Female hypergamy is a bitch. Darkly, women can fall out of love if they meet a man superior in many ways to their current lovers. It’s not nearly as common as scenario #1 above, because love tends to dampen women’s hypergamous instinct.

she lost weight and suddenly found herself the center of male attention.

Women can fall in love with lower SMV men if their self-perception is that they are themselves low SMV. But woe to the beta male who marries a fatty who later slims down (it’s been known to happen). She will “feel her oats” and her love will migrate from her loser man who settled for her to better men with options who actively CHOOSE her newly slender sexiness.

The above are the big three explanations for how women fall out of love.

What you will never see: A woman falling out of love with her man because he was too much of a charming, narcissistic, selfish jerkboy to her.

She may very well end her RELATIONSHIP with the jerk, but that’s not the same as ending her LOVE for him. In fact, you will often hear freshly single women lament their lingering love for the jerkboys they had to let go to spare their sanity (or to find a man willing to give them marriage and children). You know, you’ll hear stuff like,

“I still love him, but it wasn’t going anywhere.”

“I’ll never stop loving him, but I had to do what was right for me.”

“GOD, you make this so difficult!”

“I’ll never stop having feelings for you.”

“Is this what you wanted? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?!”

“We’re done. I can’t take it anymore. You had my love, everything. Why did you throw it away?”

When a woman ends a relationship with a jerkboy, she leaves with love still fluttering in her heart. A deluge of her tears will accompany the jerk’s exit from her life. (For his part, he will leave sad, but not cripplingly sad, and not at all worried about finding another girl, and this will naturally drive the woman crazy and deeper in love.) Her words will ring with tragic exasperation, and sorrow for what she feels unwilling to do. It will take months, sometimes years, sometimes longer than that, for her to fully get over the jerk, and achieve some inner peace when she can once again give her body and heart freely to another man without the stigmata of the jerk’s love marking her out as the ex-maiden of a demon’s unearthly magnetism.

Now, compare and contrast to a woman leaving a beta male:

No love in her heart. (only pity, sometimes contempt)
Impeccably trouble-free transition out of the relationship.
No guilt, pained regret, or second thoughts.
No mention of the word “love”.
Cold as ice execution of the break-up.
Outward-focused blame, rather than inward-focused. (she blames herself for the jerk’s inability to commit to her satisfaction. she blames the beta for her loss of desire for him)
Little need to lean on female friends or beta orbiters for emotional support during the post-break-up adjustment period and follow-up rebound dating.

Women leave selfish jerks all the time. But women never really fall out of love with selfish jerks. They carry that jerkboy torch all their lives, a warm nostalgia preserving forever a faint echo of loyalty to the jerkboy and simultaneously an inconvenient barrier to any future betas who might foolishly try to win the full scope of her heart for themselves.

PS There’s a major sex difference on the theme of this post. A man will never leave a sexy woman with heaviness in his heart because she won’t commit to an LTR or otherwise follow his script for their future together. A man in such a situation will privately nurse his disappointment but never think about giving up such a fine piece of ass on the regular. If he does finally give up on her on his own terms, it will be because some other equally cute and marginally less crazy girl started showing interest in him. Men DO fall out of love, though. It happens all the time when women get older and/or fatter.