Seven-year-old Sara was still having trouble Monday with a boy named Nathan, who keeps commenting on her physical features. I sat down with her Monday night and we rehearsed some things she could say to Nathan. We agreed to try a three-step plan as suggested by the book The Power of Positive Confrontation by Barbara Pachter.
Step one: "Nathan, I don't like it when you say something about how I look." Step two: "I want you to stop." Step three: "Can you do that Nathan?" When I got home Tuesday and Wednesday nights, I asked Sara how things went with Nathan. Both nights she told me that all he wanted to do was play with her, so she did not have to say anything. I was proud of her for not forcing a confrontation when none was needed. I did not get home early enough tonight to ask her how it went today.
These positive confrontation techniques may seem simple, but they may not be, when you actually try to implement them. For example, what if the other person is one who is immersed in self-pity, and therefore gives herself permission to lash out at you whenever you dare confront her? That happened to me today. I relied on my knowledge of the principles of positive confrontation, and I failed miserably, falling into the self-pity trap myself. I was so ashamed afterward.
Did I start the day in prayer, asking for the power and wisdom and guidance of the Holy Spirit? No! Did I ask for the Holy Spirit during the confrontation? No! With the Holy Spirit's power, I can conduct myself in a way that I feel good about afterwards, regardless of the outcome of the confrontation. I can be calm, polite, and powerful; but I can only seem to do it when humbly asking for God's direction and Christ's love and forgiveness.
2 comments:
I dunno but accompanying those words with really terrific body language will probably go further. Does the book discuss that?
Terri,
Yes, it does. She has really covered the bases.
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