A Colorado Cow Caper

It all started with an e-mail. A woman was looking for a dependable person to milk her dairy cows. It so happened that one of Colleen's milk customers includes an unemployed man named Carl in his mid-thirties who loves cows and farming. Colleen highly recommended him, because he has often milked with her and helped her around the farm. He was hired, after the woman and her baby came to sleep in our house and interview him the next day. It seemed perfect: the dairy was in beautiful southwestern Colorado, and Carl (names have been changed to protect the guilty and the innocent) loved cows and the outdoors.

Colleen, the consummate networker, had a plan. Always! She has a friend name Ken on the high plains east of Colorado Springs. Ken has always wanted to learn how to make cheese. She has another friend named Sam who had a bull, six mamma cows and five calves at the dairy. Sam ranches on 660 acres near the beautiful town of Santa Fe, New Mexico. Another friend of Colleen's, Dan, drove from the eastern plains to the dairy to get Sam's bull and take him to Ken, in order to impregnate one of our cows. Don't ask me how Colleen meets all of these guys.

The woman's husband, Anthony, ran the dairy (he was the cousin of the owner). Anthony went "off the wagon," as the saying goes. It was not long after Carl arrived that Anthony went on a binge and beat up his wife, who promptly left with her baby. Carl got his pistol and headed for the hills, after Anthony came after him, threatening to kill him. Colleen made the first of many calls to the Sheriff. After an extensive search, deputies located Carl hiding on a river bank. Anthony was taken to the county jail.

Sam, just four years older than Colleen, and a life-long bachelor, gave Colleen some money to fly to Santa Fe to spend Friday night at his five bedroom spread. Then, they left the next morning to get Carl, six mamma cows and five baby cows. Twelve years ago, when I first realized I was falling in love with this very attractive school psychologist who called me every day to ask me to investigate some allegation of child abuse or neglect, I had no clue that what would really turn her on twelve years later was not an intrepid social worker daring to challenge abusive parents and their attorneys, but rather the sight of a triple axle cow truck trailer!

They returned to our house at two a.m. Sunday. As Colleen was tending to the mamma cows, Sam opened the gate on the cow trailer, and one of the calves escaped. Sam, an ultra marathon runner, commenced to chase the cow for five miles, followed by Colleen and Carl, as a 60 mph wind was blowing in their faces. At 3 a.m. they gave up for the night.

Sunday, Greg and Jon, our nine and ten-year-old sons, made "wanted" posters and signs, Colleen and Sam made calls to local law enforcement and ranchers, and the hunt was on. Finally, yesterday a man called Colleen and told her he had spotted the calf in a large herd of cattle on a large ranch where he works. Colleen loaded our 18-year-old son Erik, Greg and Jon into Sam's pick-up truck (Sam had flown to Philadelphia for a meeting), along with Gary, the man who called Colleen. Erik drove the tough pick-up all over the 1000 acre ranch, finally cornering the frisky calf against a fence. (The pick-up now has some new features as a result of all the activities of the week, including a smashed tailgate and a broken grill guard).

Greg and Jon mostly walked the acreage. The calf ran right at Jon, who showed no fear. Jon "jumped on her head" and wrestled her down. Greg jumped on her back. Erik began putting a rope on her, but she got away. Erik grabbed the rope and brought her to a halt, while Greg and Jon jumped on her. Colleen made a halter (the boys said it was more like a noose) and tied it around the calf's neck. The team then wrestled the strong little critter aboard the pick up truck, brought her to our house, and dragged her into our barn, where she was reunited with Molly, a calf she has grown up with. The calf featured in this story is the brown and white one in these photos.


We don't know yet what to name her. Speedy, Cinnamon and Sugar, Fiona, Miss Little, (a Scottish name, after a runner named Little, since she is of Scottish origin), are the names I have heard. Do you have any suggestions? Here she is with Molly. If you click on this photo, I think it will give you the best idea of the frisky little critter's personality.


The next morning Ken called to say, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is I am all set up to take the cows. The bad news is that my house burned to the ground last night." No worries: his insurance money may enable him to build a certified cheese-making facility. Colleen will market and distribute the cheese in the Denver metro area, and raise up the calves to become milk cows, in between her duties as a mom and a school psychologist. Her dream is to create a dairy that can be run by whichever of our kids might want to, after she and I pass on to the next life.