Justice

BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've
been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home
and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite
meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes,
and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell
me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as
husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me
anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Signed,

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving to West Virginia
together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you
and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry
from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I DID notice when
you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You
look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if
you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my
favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I
stopped eating pork seven years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned
away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed
that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty
dollars from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt
that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars,
I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you
were gone. Everything happens for reason, I guess. I hope you have the
fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote
ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

Via The Cook Shack