Sunday, April 10, 2011
One of life's mysteries
One of the mysteries of life is that women often seem to be attracted to jerks. Is it because these women were abused by their fathers or step-fathers when they were little girls? Are there other reasons? Do they reason that because their man is so obviously mean to other people, especially people that don't have anything he wants, that somehow that means he will be ferocious in protecting them? Have they subconsciously bought into the script their childhood tormenter developed for them, so that they believe themseves not worthy of love and admiration from a "nice" guy?
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5 comments:
It's.not such a big mystery. When I've asked women why they don't go for nice guys, they say "I don't want to be bored."
What these women don't realize is that they don't want a bad boy--they want a nice guy with a wild streak.
I think it's much simpler than that. Up to a certain age, women are attracted to rebels. They want the opposite of the nice guy. Mostly because the "rebels" are protrayed as really exciting and good underneath. That's not true as many young women find out sadly.
From experience, I can tell you this...it's not so much the bad boy or rebel that I seek, but the comfort of someone who will take care of me despite my past and my flaws...outwardly. it's only after settling into a routine do I notice all the flaws of this bad boy, when the little pokes and jabs of his jokes become an verbal abuse wearing down the walls i built to protect myself from the last guy that did this to me. i stay because it's more frightening to be alone, to venture out alone into the big scary world and leave the comfort behind than it is to stay and withstand the abuses that i've grown ever more numb to.
i think that if i didn't have good friends to fall back on, to seek comfort and companionship from, that i would still be in that hole. because it is only now, that i have been out (and gloating over how far he has fallen since i left) that i see every flaw in my decisions to stay or go.
I put myself back in the field, joined a dating website, because i am so very tired of being alone. I fear, everyday, of falling back into that trap. Of falling into a relationship where i get emotional comfort for physical favors, where all my compromises are eventually ignored, and i become more wounded than i was when i started.
where exactly am i supposed to begin?
Meilandru,
You have to take care of yourself! It's called being an adult!
You were created and given a wonderful brain by a loving God, who, if you will ask, will help you use your brain to gain the wisdom you need. I will pray for you.
I think it's the same thing that attracts men to pretty, dependent, high-maintenance women. There is this ideal presented by romance novels (porn for women), tv, movies ... and we deceive ourselves into thinking it represents the ideal for real life. Doesn't quite work out that way.
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