All things new again

Guest post
by Suzann Darnall

As we move towards a new year, I am realizing that all things are new again. Unfortunately, not all new in a good way. As my husband faces his ongoing fight to fully recover from cancer we are learning many more things than we ever wanted to know about the world of cancer and its many treatments. This new knowledge and these new skills are going to be very necessary in a large portion of the coming year.

We are learning about what color ribbon is appropriate to his kind of cancer. We are learning the names of his chemotherapy drugs. We are learning that his eventual radiation treatment will be combined with yet another chemotherapy drug. We are learning about all the different kinds of medications that are necessary to sustain a quality of life during cancer recovery and treatments. We learned what a chemo port is all about. And, we are learning that sometimes mistakes are made . . . which is almost as scary as the initial
finding of cancer.

I am learning way more about nursing, drugs, and other such medical topics than I ever had an interest in knowing. But, I am also learning how to ask questions, how to seek out answers, and how to possibly make a miserable situation a little bit more comfortable for my husband. I am learning that sometimes thinking outside the box works as well in caring for a sick husband as it does when dealing with a sick animal or trying to figure out designing a quilt. Imagination goes a long way to solving problems. And, we are both
learning that cancer recovery and treatment involves a lot of problems!

We are learning that cancer is a disease which is best suffered while someone is at your side. And, on your side. True for both patient and caretaker. I have learned that even the caretaker has need of nurturing and support. We are also learning that prayer is indispensable in the fight against disease, exhaustion, hopelessness, fear, and sorrow. Also learning that sometimes you just have to reach out to family, friends, and community to ask for help. The best part is we are learning that family, friends, and community are ever
so happy to offer the assistance required.

Pete is learning patience. Not a lot, but more than he had before. I love him dearly, but he is not a patient patient. However, he is learning to ask me for help and permit me to help. He has learned to allow me to fight some of the battles when he is sick or tired and we need information or require service. He is also learning to be more understanding about my need to provide nurturing and service while he is undergoing these trials.

I am learning that I must sometimes walk away and allow him to be alone. That I have to occasionally step back and let him handle something by himself. It is not easy and I do not do it well, but I am trying. I am also learning how to hover quietly and be able to step in if necessary.

It is a new phase of our life together. Not one we would have chosen, but one we are willing to learn the skills needed to make it work. We have been committed to one another for more than 41 years. We have faced new challenges at various times in our life. Issues with health, loss, and more. This is just another bump in the road to eternity and we will learn whatever it takes to cross to the smoother path on the other side.

While 2019 may not be off to a great start, it is what it is and we will deal. I am so grateful that my husband has a chance for renewed health that I will overlook the bad as much as possible in my search for the good. And, there is much good in some of the new things we have discovered on this difficult path. The depth of love from even distant family and friends. The level of support from not just family and friends, but acquaintances, folks newly met, and even strangers. The realization that our love can withstand anything and still hold elements of sweetness, romance, and hope. Learning that kisses under the full moon are just as special with a chemo patient as they were with a young lieutenant.

While I am not a person to throw out the old just ‘cause the new has arrived, I am happy to welcome this new year and let the old one go. I know the new one still brings some of the same problems, but it also brings hope anew for learning more ways to deal with what we are facing. I can do anything with my sweetheart by my side. I will fight any battle he needs. I will steal every kiss possible and take a minute to dance in the living room on a good day. ‘Cause even for two old folks like us, all things can be new again. . . if one just looks at them from a different perspective!