He's got your gluten

Joe Bob Briggs writes in Taki's Magazine,

...Look, people, I’m gonna explain this one time. Gluten is a Latin word meaning “glue” and it’s the substance that makes dough elastic so we can shape it into bread, noodles, grits, tortillas, cakes, soy sauce, pies, beer, pretzels, macaroni, bagels, candy, cereal, croutons, lunch meat, salad dressing, potato chips, soup, and Belgian waffles. You might have noticed something about that particular food group. It’s stuff that tastes good.

But because we live in a masochistic bulimic anorexic food-hating universe of nutzoid crusaders who want to sell us colon scrapers and Lake Titicaca Quinoa Seeds, we have to get rid of it precisely because it tastes good.

Would you care to take a guess as to what year the phrase “gluten intolerance” first entered the medical literature?

That year would be 2010.

Okay, let’s do the math on that. For the first 12,010 years of the agricultural society, there is no “gluten intolerance.” Then for six years we have so much of it that grocers start putting “Gluten Free” labels on bottled water. I’m not sure which aboriginal inhabitant of which continent believes that water ever contained gluten, but whoever he is, he’s probably still a hunter-gatherer.

...Obviously we would all be healthier if we just completely eliminated wheat, barley, and rye, the evil substances that have been consumed by every civilization in history, because we know better.

By the way, the doctors who are pumping this diet through books, videos, and relentless media are masters of nomenclature. Besides “wheat belly,” we have “grain brain,” “leaky gut syndrome,” and “gut dysbiosis.” In order to determine whether you have any of these conditions, you need an intestinal biopsy, an antibody blood test, an HLA-DQ test for your autoimmune system, an Immunoglobulin E skin-prick test to find allergies, and, my personal favorite, a “rectal challenge test.” I don’t know about you, but I prefer not to have my rectum challenged.

But here’s the best part: You can have all these tests, and be negative for everything, and still have gluten intolerance. Why? Because “testing is incomplete.” They haven’t developed enough tests yet for the 250 conditions.

By the way, you can also find gluten in medications and dietary supplements, so while you’re chewing your flax and wondering how you’re going to cure your aphthous stomatitis, I’d like to point out a few things a gluten-free diet does contain:

Sulfites

Nitrates

Glutamates

Benzoates

And a few things it does not contain:

Vitamins

Minerals

Protein

Fiber

Yeah, all that stuff gets bleached out in the deglutenization process.

So this whole story has a happy ending:

These people won’t be with us much longer anyway.

Read more here.