Monday, January 07, 2013

Maybe 2012 wasn't so bad after all

The Sippican Cottage blog tells us that in Maine there is a satirical newspaper that prints news stories that are from real Maine newspapers. It is called the Rumford Meteor. The snippets are printed verbatim, with links to the whole story in all the local newspapers in Maine. The only thing changed is the headline. The headlines are hilarious. Here are a few I thought were great, from The Rumford Meteor's Top One Hundred News Stories of 2012

Local Woman On Paxil, Elavil, Cymbalta, Ambien, Ortho-Novum, And Ritalin Says She’ll Continue To Buy Organic Food Because The Other Kind Is Full Of Chemicals

Americans’ New Retirement Plan Is A Bed With A Lid

Health Food Cafeteria Goes Out Of Business, Naturally

Organic Farmers Know That Consumers Don’t Mind A Little Listeria As Long As They Get It From Farmers Who Care

Five Candidates Vie For Chance To Collect Taxes From Rumford’s Four Remaining Taxpayers

Norway Residents Weigh In On What Sort Of Funky-Cool Downtown Shops They’d Prefer To Drive Right Past On Their Way To The Auburn Wal-Mart

Thank Goodness George Bush Isn’t President Anymore, Or We’d Have To Pay Attention To All These Dead Soldiers

Lewiston Mayor Suggests Somali Immigrants Should Only Open Non-Prophet Businesses

High School Teacher Takes Students To Dairy Farm To See Where The Whole Milk They’re Not Allowed To Drink In School Comes From

Two Dozen Students Offer To Eat School’s 37-Year-Old Twinkie Experiment Instead Of The New “Healthy” School Lunches

Long-Time Head Of Maine Organic Farmers Association Dies At 56, Serene In The Knowledge He Would Have Died At 55 If He Used Pesticides

Vegetarian Doctor Touts The Health Benefits Of Having An Adam’s Apple Like A Third Elbow

Read the rest here:

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