Whose responsibility is it?

"Some parents try to control a problem with therapy and others with discipline, but neither works when you put primary responsibility for change on yourself or your hired hand, the doctor (even a rectal surgeon). Your efforts and those of professionals can work, but only if you can persuade your son that recovery is worthwhile."

Some advice from Dr. L#stame:

In accepting your own helplessness, remove the shame of his control problem while making it easier to talk about. Don’t get soft on your limits, just don’t enforce them with anger and blame; you believe he will like himself better when he can control his temper and act like a decent person. You don’t expect it to be easy, but, as long as you can avoid heated confrontations and enforce rules in a friendly manner, you’re confident you can keep on trying.

Like the parent above, you know that your efforts won’t work until the time is right, so conserve your strength and bide your time. When he can use the rules you’re providing, you’ll have more to contribute. Until then, know that you’re being a good parent, and that doing that, along with being patient, will get him (and his head) onto a better path.