SAN FRANSISCO, CA—Al Gore spoke at the Global Action Climate Summit in San Fransisco on Sunday and he didn’t parse words. “This world is headed for a global catastrophe of apocalyptic proportions if everyone doesn’t drop all other priorities and redirect all spending toward buying my books and seeing my movies,” Gore said.
“I am not messing around,” he added. “I am super serious.”
Gore went on to present numerous charts and graphs showing a direct correlation between the destruction of the Earth and his profit margins.
“Science deniers can scoff all they want,” he said while aiming a laser pointer at a chart showing his prediction that the Earth will end within five years if his new book does not make the top of the New York Times Bestseller List. “And even that could be too little too late,” Gore said. “To really guarantee that this environmental apocalypse doesn’t happen, my books need to outsell the Bible.”
Thursday, October 11, 2018
A direct correlation between the destruction of the Earth and Al Gore's profit margins.
The satirical Babylon Bee reports,