- Men ain't supposed to talk
- We feel we cannot win
- We get angry
- It pains us to argue with you
- History drives us
- Define the problem
- Focus on the pattern, not the person
- Interrupt the pattern as early as possible
- Be patient and willing to practice
Monday, July 30, 2012
How do men break the pattern of clamming up during arguments?
The psychologist who writes The Iron Shrink blog asks why men tend to clam up during conflicts with their spouses. He lists five reasons, and gives detailed explanations of each.
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2 comments:
Question from the never-married-so-maybe-naive peanut gallery here ...
But why is there always a presupposition that there are always arguments? I mean, I've had friends for 20 years, and we discuss things, and disagree, and have never bothered to argue. We express ourselves, make a decision, and move on.
It seems weird that wouldn't be possible in marriage too. Seems like people would have MORE in common than a friendship, and a much bigger investment in understanding each other, and being kind.
It always boggles my mind when I hear married couples criticizing and chewing away at each other over nonsense. "NO, that layover was in DALLAS, not DENVER."
OK ... end of probably-naive-question ... but I AM curious to hear people's thoughts.
Trinka,
I wish we could get a good discussion going here on this and other subjects. I talked to someone last night about this post. Ironically she went from a guy who is like the one described by Iron Shrink to a guy who is the opposite: always bringing stuff up to argue about! Unfortunately, love and logic don't always go together, and it is also so often very true that opposites attract!
I appreciate your thoughtful additions to this and other blog posts.
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