Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Difficult Times

My family has been going through hell for the last week. It all started a couple of months ago, when my stepson, who will be eighteen in August, came to my wife with a request. He told her that he wanted to get some help for the intense anger he felt toward his biological father. My wife, Colleen, made an appointment with a therapist.

In the very first therapy session my stepson gave the therapist details of sexual, verbal, and emotional abuse he and his two siblings had suffered while living with his father. Colleen had been driving weekly from Steamboat Springs, Colorado across two very high mountain passes to her job as a school psychologist in a rural mountain county just west of the Denver metro area. The three small children were left at home with their father, while she supported the family. Colleen and I were married eight and one-half years ago. Her marriage to the children's father ended after an incident in which her first husband was convicted of false imprisonment of Colleen (not allowing her to go to the aid of her crying daughter), (until she whacked him with a hair dryer and got free of him and took the three children to a shelter).

My stepson told his therapist that his father would instruct him to fondle his toddler sister while father watched. In the second therapy session, the therapist and my stepson called the authorities in Steamboat Springs to report this sick S.O.B.

However, my stepson still had more he wanted to get off his chest. He confessed to his therapist that when he was fifteen and his sister was thirteen, he persuaded her to engage in some mutual touching of private parts. Both were fully clothed. He has apparently been experiencing tremendous guilt and shame, and needed to tell someone. It happened only that one time.

The therapist immediately reported my stepson to the police and social services, and demanded that my stepson resign his positon as lifeguard. My stepson has been a lifeguard for over one year. On two separate occasions he has saved the life of a child (two different children). He is very proud of that. He had decided to pursue a career in law enforcement, because he likes protecting people. This lifeguard job is the second job he has held. The other was at a bagel restaurant. In that job he got up at five a.m. to make bagels, and loved the responsibilities involved in the job, as he does the lifeguard job.

The other demand made by the therapist was that my stepson not be allowed to return to our home until the investigation was completed by police and social services. So, for the last six days and nights, my wife has been staying with him in a motel that is costing us an arm and a leg.

His next step is to undergo a "risk assessment," to determine whether he is a low, medium, or high risk to the community. As I understand it, the risk assessment is like a very thorough psychological evaluation. The police detective will file his report to the D.A., who will decide whether to file criminal charges against my stepson. His sister has no memory of the incident that he shared with his therapist. We will be getting therapy for her, too.

My wife is utterly devastated by this whole experience. Please pray that the Holy Spirit will guide us to make wise decisions in the best interest of all of our children.

12 comments:

Mizz E said...

Bob,
This is distressing and I'll send an email in the morning.

May you receive all the guidance and strength necessary to bring this situation to a just conclusion.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Bob, I'll definitely include y'all in my prayers.

It's a shame that the therapist and social services over-reacted to what your son said.
Children are curious, and nothing more than curiosity happened.
They are hurting the kids over nothing.
Your son may never trust a therapist after this.

Bob's Blog said...

MizzE,
Thank you for your kind wishes. I do think it is headed in a just direction. By clearing away all of this junk he has been carrying around, he can with proper guidance become one person with integrity and faith.

ben,
Thank you so much for including us in your prayers. We will be diligent to make sure those and other possible negative consequences don't occur. We have spoken to the therapist this morning. He explained Colorado's tough protocol, and we agree that states need to get their acts together. The therapist is willing to work with social services to develop a safety plan whereby our son can return to his work. We have been completely above board in informing his supervisor at work, and he wants him back!

julie said...

Bob, I'm so sorry to hear about what your family is going through! It sounds like you are taking all the right steps, and I'm so glad for your son that he has chosen to get the therapy he needs to help put his life on the right path. I hope and pray that this situation is resolved with the best possible outcome, and in regards to his father I fervently hope justice is carried out.

God be with you and your family, Bob.

Bob's Blog said...

Juliec,
Thank you for your kind wishes. We really needed and appreciate the support you all have given us. My wife's talk with the therapist was very helpful today and cleared up some of our concerns.

Mizz E said...

Bob,
Thank you for this update. Communication is key.
Prayers for continued healing.

MizzE

Bob's Blog said...

Mizze,
Thank you for your prayers. You are so right about communication being key. Also, we have to keep focussed on what is best for our son's future. He is beginning the process of completing the evaluation.

robinstarfish said...

Bob, my prayers are with you as well. Your stepson is fortunate to have you on board as an advocate and example.

Bob's Blog said...

Robin,
Thanks. I hope so.

Bob's Blog said...

Update: The sadistic therapist will not allow our son to return to his job as a lifeguard. He got that lifeguard job because he is an excellent swimmer. Swimming is the only sport he ever really tried in his teen years. He has never had even a hint of impropriety in discharging his responsibilities. Oh well, he has earned excellent references, so we will steer him to something where everyone is fully clothed.

Meanwhile, he is still staying in a motel; admittedly not as nice as the one he was in last week. We have lost the child support from biofather, as could have been predicted. He is on the run, and knows how to stay underground for years at a time.

Our son is completing his risk assessment, which is scores of pages of questions to answer, and today he was the only nonhispanic in his first session in the treatment group.

Bob's Blog said...

I forgot to mention that his mother is staying with him at the motel while I hold down the home front. She is still utterly devastated. Her sense of loss is unspeakable.

Mrs. Who said...

Bob:

You know you all have my prayers. And I know how all you must feel...your son is paying the price for someone else's crime. We've been there...

But once again, I'm totally baffled by a system that keeps the victim 'trapped'. Your son needs to feel 'worthy'. Keeping him from his job is not going to help!!