You may have read about how a fake interpreter pretended to be doing sign language during Obama's address at the funeral of Nelson Mandela. This event was very embarrassing to our Secret Service. Don't worry, though, the Director of the Secret Service has announced some plans to correct the mistakes.
Agents must perform seven new duties. Here is one of them:
Metal detectors shall be set up at each entrance to ensure that no weapons are brought into the building. This includes agents, who will no longer carry gross, patriarchal firearms but shall use the moral authority of a progressive government to ward off danger.