“According to National Enquirer, John Edwards has proposed to his
mistress, Rielle Hunter. He gave three reasons for wanting to marry her:
He loves her, she’s the mother of his child, and of course, a wife
can’t testify against her husband.” –Jay Leno
“Ron Paul – he looks like a guy you’d keep overnight for observation.” –David Letterman
“A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate
owned by Queen Elizabeth. The queen said today she hopes this serves as
a reminder to anybody on her staff that there is a right way and a
wrong way to polish sterling silver.” –Jay Leno
“Don’t you think Ron Paul looks like one of those people they interview after every UFO sighting?” –David Letterman
“In Saturday night’s Republican debate, Jon Huntsman spoke Chinese. Why
Chinese? If you want to reach the American people, you’ve got to speak
Spanish.” –Jay Leno
“While campaigning yesterday, Jon Huntsman said he was ‘ready to rock
and roll.’ Not to be outdone, Mitt Romney said he was ready to ‘easy
listen.’” –Jimmy Fallon
“I’m having trouble warming up to Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy in
the restaurant that comes to your table to make sure everything’s all
right.” –David Letterman
“Yesterday Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt stopped by the White House.
There was an awkward moment when they tried to adopt President Obama.”
–Conan O’Brien
“Nation, unless you live in a cave, I’m sure you’ve heard that
yesterday’s New Hampshire primary was won by Mitt Romney. And if you do
live in a cave, I’m guessing you voted for Ron Paul.” –Stephen Colbert
Via the Flopping Aces blog: http://floppingaces.net/2012/01/15/sunday-funnies-169/
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