Did you know that among voters who shop at Whole Foods and yet feel guilty for shopping at Whole Foods, Bernie Sanders is winning 92% of the vote? Among voters whose primary means of transportation is a bicycle, Sanders is winning 88% of the vote.
Did you know that Donald Trump has the same policy on China as he does on women, which is that China is our enemy? Did you know Trump has a Mexican guy who reads the internet to him? "Wonderful guy! Hello Baca!"
Senator Sanders, the tree man in Seattle came down this afternoon, but how do you respond to this growing trend of tree dwellers? "As the only candidate for president who has himself lived in a tree,..." "It's a fantastic way to solve the housing crisis, by having people climb up trees, rather than cut them down!"
Donald Trump, how do you respond? "I promise you this. When I am president, we will get rid of every tree. We gotta use these nukes, we haven't used them in years!"
Senator Sanders, Why did the chicken cross the road? "...He crossed the road to bring attention to the crumbling infrastructure that chickens have to face everyday of their lives! If I am president, I promise I will spend billions of dollars on chicken wire..."
Mr. Trump do you have a reply? "Unbelievable, unbelievable. We should wipe em all out and use their eggs, just like women."
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