Friday, October 11, 2013

On becoming a man

Kareem Abdul Jabbar writes an article in Esquire for teens on how to become a man.

1. Learn who you are as an individual. The important thing is you make those decisions for yourself—not out of spite against authority figures, or because of peer pressure, or even out of fear of losing someone’s affection—but out of conviction of who you are and who you want to be.

2. Stand up for yourself. Defend your opinions and beliefs. If you think it’s wrong to be racist but someone in your group says something racist (or sexist, or ant-Semitic, or anti-gay), then tell them you don’t agree and that you don’t think they should make such statements. That’s how these verbal bullies are eventually defeated. More important, you’ll feel proud that you took a stand. Those moments you do nothing will haunt you for a long time.

3. Avoid a physical fight - if you can. The only time you should fight is if there is no other recourse. You can’t run, you can’t talk your way out of it. If that’s the case, hit first, either in the nose (sometimes the blood will discourage further fighting) or the crotch (because the pain will make it hard for him to chase you). One punch and then run.

4. Play a team sport. Playing on a team teaches you how to interact with others, adjust to various personalities, work together as a team, be generous, and many other character-building traits. The cool part is that you don’t have to join an organized team; you can just go down to the playground or open gym and play pick-up basketball or volleyball.

5. Choose your friends for the right reasons. Good friends can see you through a lot of the tough parts of growing up. But bad friends can actually be the cause some of those tough parts.

6. Fight your fear of the unknown. Acts of physical bravado will give you an initial rush, but exploring a new culture or examining a new idea will mature you and make you the kind of person others will be interested in.

7. Listen to advice.

8. Be politically aware. Kids who don’t know anything about their world try to hide it by saying, “I don’t really care. It doesn’t affect me.” But that just confirms that they wish to remain children and have adults tell them what to do and think. Part of being a man is to be informed so you are prepared to take an active and responsible place in your society.

9. Mind your manners. What matters is the effect of following these rules: people appreciate the effort and respect shown them. In turn, they will show you respect.

10. Be patient in love. The best way to get an idea of what’s attractive to girls is to talk to them. Like a girl? Get to know her, ask her about herself, then show her you’ve been listening to what she says.

11. Stay fit. But eating somewhat healthily and maintaining an exercise regimen will not only help fight off diseases and aging, they’ll also help ensure an active lifestyle for many years. In other words, the body is like any machine: It may run great when it's new, but after years of neglect it will slow down, and eventually break down. Then you’re the one vegging on the sofa while your pals are playing pick-up ball at the gym.

12. Never, never do something on a dare. The person who refuses a dare displays intelligence, courage, and independence. And that’s what daring someone is trying to rob them of.

13. Get organized. Being organized can change your life: you do more things you want to do, you finish things you need to finish, and you have more time to pursue new activities and relationships.

14. Find heroes to copy. Find heroes—real or fictional—that embody the values that you want to have, not the bank account.

15. Be independent. Make your bed, do your laundry, learn to cook, hang up your clothes. Slovenliness is the sign of an immature mind. The sooner you start doing things for yourself, the sooner you will have the respect of others—and of yourself.

16. Question authority. Even when presenting supposed “facts,” people can be misleading in an effort to manipulate you into being who they want you to be or doing what they want you to do.

17. Get smart. First, do your research. Don’t rely on biased sources. Your goal is to find the truth, not just confirm an opinion you already held.

18. Express yourself. (A word of caution: avoid doing anything permanent, like tattoos, because, just your taste in clothes, hair styles, music, your thoughts about pretty much everything will change. What you think is really deep and insightful today will seem shallow and immature in a few years. And you don’t want something you will later think is childish permanently etched on your body.)

19. Pay attention to the short run.... But don’t let planning for your future consume your present. Do some things just because they’re fun now.

20. ....But keep your eye on the long run. Know who you are, what you stand for, watch for any assaults on your principles, but always be open to change if the evidence warrants it.

2 comments:

Buttercup said...

These 20 rules, if taught to our children, would go a LOOOOOOONG way to solving the problems of this country. We have become a powerful nation filled with weak and dissolute people.

Bob's Blog said...

One item I would add to is the one about playing a team sport. His points are valid, but I would argue for also playing an individual sport. In fact, I think I will write a post about that.