A case of spontaneous human combustion

From A Day in the Life of an Ambulance Driver:

Patient: “So I was sleeping on the couch, and I just woke up, and my pants were on fire!”

AD: “Uh huh. And how did the rest of the garage catch on fire?”

Patient: “I, um, might have turned over some paint thinner and stuff while I was trying to put my pants out.”

Skinny: “Do you smoke, sir?”

Patient (suspiciously): “Yeah, couple packs a day. Why, you insinuating I was smoking in bed? Because I wasn’t!”

AD: “Of course, because that would be stupid.”

Skinny: “And you’re obviously not stupid…”

Patient: “Damn straight! I know better!”

AD: “And yet, by your own admission, the couch was nowhere near a possible ignition source. And you say that the last thing you were doing before you fell asleep was drinking and smoking a cigarette.”

Patient (slurred): “I’m not drunk! And I didn’t fall asleep with no lit cigarette!”

Skinny: “Right. Because that would be… stupid.”

AD: “Had you been lying, sir?”

Patient: “Sure, right there on the couch!”

AD: “No, I mean fibbing. Telling falsehoods. Prevaricating.”

Patient: “Huh?”

AD: “Well, normally when one’s pants are on fire…”

Patient: “You sumbitches are trying to say I burnt my own Goddamn garage down!”

Skinny: “No one’s accusing you of anything, sir.”

AD: “We’re just trying to get all the facts. We try to do that whenever we report a case of spontaneous human combustion. You know, in case Ripley’s calls later.”