For all the intensity, emotion and pervasiveness of the debate about sexual assault in college, there’s an element that’s often lost and unheard: men’s stories.
The authors spoke with men who had been victims. One of the things they found was that men do not report, because, as one man told them,
“It’s one thing to deal with the after-effect of being raped, but it also was a secondary hit for me — ‘Oh, you’re a guy, how could you be raped by a woman, that makes no sense,’ ” he said. “I was afraid to talk to anybody about it because of the stigma.”Read more here.
It’s very common for men to feel confused, ashamed and certain that no one will believe their accounts after they are sexually assaulted, said Jim Hopper, an expert on psychological trauma who is a consultant and part-time instructor in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.
...It’s rare that men do report an incident, he said. “Any experience of being dominated, overwhelmed, exploited, assaulted — especially sexually — whether by a male or a female is going to be something that males are programmed to not want to talk about,” he said.
The stories men told The Post cover a wide range of types of assault, including men who were too drunk to consent, those who were physically forced into sex and one who was attacked while at a bar.
When a bartender found the 22-year-old sophomore from the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire passed out in the back room of her Minneapolis bar, she assumed he was drunk. But when the man took a Breathalyzer test, bar security found he hadn’t had any alcohol at all.
He believes he had been drugged and then raped after someone slipped something into his soda while he was distracted.
“I’ve been drunk once in my life and I’ve never done drugs,” the man said. “And I’m a big guy. The fact that this could happen to me means it could happen to anyone.”
He stopped by a party at his fraternity house and was chatting with a woman he knew slightly. He said good night to her and his friends and went upstairs to crash. About 15 minutes later, he said, she arrived at his room, very drunk and very clearly interested in him.
He was tired, sober, had a girlfriend and had absolutely no intention of having sex with her.
He asked her to leave, but she wouldn’t go. So he told her again, then took her arm and led her out into the hallway.
At that point, he said, she suddenly screamed: “No! I’m not going to have sex with you!” and dropped to the floor, looking around to see if anyone was watching.
His heart stopped, thinking: No one would believe me.
“I have yet to forgive that girl for that,” he said. Who, he wondered, would take his word over hers? “I could have faced much bigger issues than what I would rather do or not do.”
1 comment:
Um, dominated and overwhelmed by a woman sexually? That's not rape. That's my fantasy.
Post a Comment