A government agency has decided to use a popular satirical blog to promote job openings. The National Security Agency asks applicants the following questions to see if they will qualify:
Do you want a job in the private sector with a company that may go out of business or do you want to work for a Federal agency that will only grow larger?
Do you like frequent vacations and conventions in exotic locations where you will get a chance to stay in 3,000 dollar a night hotels that you don’t have to pay for. That’s right. As a Federal employee the tax payers will pick up your tab.
Do you have little or no skill set?
Do you have no people skills.
Do you like computers?
Are you a voyeur?
Do you like to view people in their most private and intimate moments?
Do you like to collect information on people who do not share the values of the Administration?
Are you paranoid? Vindictive?
Do you have a heightened sense of your own superiority and importance?
Are you a “good” person who believes in all the right things?
If so, do you believe that whatever you do will be justified because you are in fact a “good” person?
Does the thought of collecting your neighbor’s phone records and internet usage for the past year and then criminalizing his behavior excite you?
Do you want a lifetime guarantee of a job?
Do you wish to belong to one of the most powerful public sector unions?
Do you want to retire at 55 and have a great pension paid for by the American people?
If you answered yes to many of these questions then a career at the NSA is for you!
The NSA. Keeping America safe (except for the Boston Marathon bombing and Major Nidal Hassan) by data mining.
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