Feeling connected?

Dr. Kim Kimberling writes at A Holy Experience today about communication in marriage.

If you’ve had any exposure whatsoever to marriage resources, you know what experts say is essential over and over again: communication.

Of the couples I see in counseling, the ones who really communicate well and set aside time to do so seem to consistently also have good marriages.

But in all this hype about communication, here’s what is often missed:

Communication does not simply mean the talking kind. It means connection in a special way.

Most couples communicate pretty well before marriage. I have seen surveys that usually put that number at around three hours a day.

On the other hand there are surveys that say those same couples a few years into marriage will spend an average of five minutes a day communicating.

What happens?

The reasons may vary from couple to couple, but the bottom line is that we quit making it a priority. We lose sight of God’s design.

How connected are you today with your spouse?

Are you more connected than ever, or are you becoming strangers? Think about a typical day and the things that you do. How do you spend your time? How much time do you set aside to connect with your spouse?

I can sit in the same room or on the same couch with Nancy and not be connected. Just being in each other’s presence does not connect us.

Sure, it helps. The opportunity is there, but to connect, someone has to initiate.

That initiation may be a conversation, or it could be a hug or a kiss.

Connection happens when one initiates and the other one responds.

Someone told me years ago that the first five minutes a couple is together in the evening sets the tone for the night.

God designed us for relationships — a relationship with Him and a relationship with others.

When we connect in marriage with our spouse, we are fulfilling God’s design for our lives; and it makes a difference.

Tell each other when you feel the most connected.

Share how connected you feel in your marriage today.

Is this where you want to be? If it is, great. Keep on doing what you are doing.

If not, what will you do today to connect?

Read more here.