Going for the dead vote

The People's Cube brings us this news:

The swing states' Democrat Party chairpersons have always been able to correctly predict a massive turnout of the embalmed. Anticipating strong necrophobic resistance from Tea Party types and other conspiracy theory aficionados, Democrat leaders in the House and the Senate vowed to preempt the living by expanding civil and voting rights of the decomposed by eliminating the voter ID requirement.

The dearly departed have risen for the Democrats in past elections in large numbers, and this year the Democrat strategists predict a record turnout. Back in 2008 and 2012, many non-breathing humans have been reportedly spotted walking about the Main Streets of the smaller towns of Ohio and Wisconsin, heading in the direction of the polls, some in shredded outfits, painfully dragging their bones, trailing dirt and streams of formaldehyde. The cost of cleanup has never been an issue as it's always been paid for by the losers.

In Brooklyn, Clinton Headquarters moved with urgency to motivate the exhaling-impaired to shrug six feet of compacted dirt and get themselves to the polls once or twice. Given that this may be the most important election of their afterlives, mere disability like personal decomposition will not do as an excuse not to vote.

Read more here.