Happy Mother's Day!

Holly H. Schiffrin and Miriam Liss write on this Mother's Day that parenting is best done in moderation!

People often think that when something is good, then more of that thing is inherently better. However, many things in life healthy in small to moderate amounts become harmful in excess. Eating is necessary for survival, but overeating is currently leading to a national public health epidemic. The body also requires adequate rest, but too much rest becomes laziness. Even exercise, in excess, can lead to physical injury. We would like to argue that the same is true about parenting. It is possible to have too much of a good thing.

However, when parents solve their children's problems for them, they can undermine their children's sense of personal competence. First, the way people develop new skills is by practicing them. By not allowing children to try, and, yes, also to fail, they may never develop the skills necessary to succeed in the future. Second, parents may be sending an unintentional message that they don't believe their children are capable of solving their own problems. As a result, children may doubt their ability to solve a problem in addition to not having developed the necessary skills to do so, creating a cycle of dependence on their parents.

So, our Mother's Day gift to you is to give you permission to parent in moderation. We are definitely not recommending that you neglect your child. Our guess is that if you are reading this column, you are probably already talking to, reading with, and providing your children with stimulating activities. In other words, you are doing enough! In fact, if you are feeling as though mothering is the hardest job in the world, you may be doing more than you need to do.

Remember that children benefit from solving minor problems on their own, learning to persevere in the face of small failures, and having to entertain themselves. Instead of scheduling another activity for your child, you may be better off scheduling some time to relax, see friends, or do something just for fun. If you take better care of yourself, you are likely to be happier. Numerous studies have indicated that happier mothers have happier children, so taking some time for yourself is really benefiting both of you.